Zen Intellectual Plumbing Services

Zen Intellectual Plumbing Services (ZIPS)
(ZIPS is currently unavailable)

Have you got a leaky brain?

Please note here that the question is pertaining to “you”, not “someone else”.

You see, it is rather easy to determine if someone else has a leaky brain, and it is proportionately as difficult to determine if you have a leaky brain.

If you are one of the unlucky ones to be in the leaky brain category, first of all I extend my deepest sympathies. I extend further sympathies for the following reason.

The all-wise buddhas of the past tell just one parable, although they indeed do tell it in more than a multitude of ways. It is based on a rather obscure tale about how to remove a goose that is stuck in a bottle. Admittedly the veracity of the tale does come into some contention, as the story has ostensibly been around long before bottles were invented. So bearing this in mind, ‘leaky brained’ peoples think that they are the bottle, and to further the drama, usually have never even heard of the goose (called Consciousness), that is supposedly stuck in the bottle-brained person. The task given is to extricate the goose, and I humbly repeat the answer that I have had revealed to me from all arrangements of people: the goose is already out of the bottle.

This parable offers a universal solution, and if workable, guarantees to put all intellectual plumbers on the stack heap. The problem here being that (from numerous comprehensive surveys) the conclusion is not verifiably repeatable, neither under (monastic) laboratory nor real-life conditions, and is therefore scientifically invalid.

If one could simply become the goose, as a consequence this one would not really be bothered whether or not the brain is leaking - as it was passed on to who knows who? However because of the difficulty in simply stepping out of mind and into consciousness (goose), intellectual plumbers have indeed a lucrative industry.

I would like to here make a brief diversion to make note of a quite remarkable theory. It is that when you realise that you are a goose ‘your’ mind actually stops leaking. Further, any step taken towards ‘goosing out’ actually invokes the successful labour of a veritable army of plumbing spectres. Also, you the looming goose actually starts using the brain in more and more efficient and effective ways. Finally, and most interestingly, you the goose actually is The Geese - typically referred to by those in the know as Big G.

Granting the apparent lack of geese, and the apparent epidemic of leaky-brain disorder (LBD), I would therefore like to offer my services as an intellectual plumber (certainly uncertified). My qualifications are as follows:

I have a diploma in export management; a Business degree, an Engineering degree with Honours, and have completed post-graduate studies in Philosophy with Distinction.

As a potential client you are free to request my lay opinion on whatsoever; however I am also as free not to respond to, or accept, such a request.

ZIPS (Zen Intellectual Plumbing Services) will be available through contact by e-mail, with payment by Paypal.

ZIPS is currently not available.


Disclaimer:

Understand very clearly that although I have various academic qualifications, I do not consider myself to be professionally or in any other way qualified, or experienced, in any capacity or field whatsoever. To be quite frank, I entertained the pleasure of academic study infrequently in the course of my studies. If you receive any advice from me in the fictitious domain of intellectual plumbing services, understand that the advice offered is for the purpose of gaining another persons lay-perspective about a particular or general situation or issue. If you require the services of a professional, qualified person, I am not such a person. I do not accept any responsibility for any advice that I give. The veracity or authenticity of information that I provide, factual or otherwise, cannot be guaranteed.